We've all heard about ecstatic love, that initial phase when we fall in love and we feel so
deeply connected to our beloved that we cannot see reason and there's just nothing wrong in all the world.
It's no doubt is a great experience, but it's often compared
to the terrible twos because just as we don't see where we end and our environment begins when we're that age,
we also don't see boundaries between ourself our beloved when we're in love, ecstatic love.
In his book
The Hapiness Hypothesis¹
talks of passionate- and companionate love.
For many of us, passionate love is so intense and so good that we just cannot see anything beyond it - it'll last forever.
This danger point that Haidt highlights, is when you are elated - literally on a cloud and blissfully unaware that it cannot last.
It inevitably fades, often dipping sharply and that's another danger point. We may think it'll never
recover but thank goodness, as Haidt shows, it's usually short-lived.
The traits of passionate love are its initial intensity, its up-again down-again nature and its tenuous duration.
The good news is that there is something better - or should we say more enduring - and that's companionate love.
It grows over a lifetime together and although it probably will not be as intense as passionate love, it sustains us through
many highs and lows, not just of passionate love but of life itself.
And in a short period, just a couple of months, companionate love becomes more intense than passionate love.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty four?²
Speaking to our clients, we've come to realise that it's companionate love that makes our relationships and indeed our lives worthwhile.
That's where Us-time! comes in.
Boost your companionate love
in the most conducive atmosphere at
Hands On Retreat the
Johannesburg destination for Us–time!
Enjoy our unmatched serenity, tall trees, lush greenery and our own babbling
brook in Craighall, just 2km from the Hyde Park Corner shopping centre.
Spend some Us–time!
take your companionate love
to the next level.
- From chapter 6, Love and Attachments. This chapter is available
online without charge.
- The Beatles - When I'm Sixty-Four